Hey...you.
Yes, YOU!
Ever find yourself wondering about how to relate to an Autistic person in the real world?
Wish you knew the right things to say...or not say?
Here is your chance to learn.
Right now.
Yes, NOW.
My husband raised up an interesting question for me to think about for my blog...he, being a neuro-typical person, wondered about what sort of advice do I have for neuro-typical people who want to either encourage that self-advocacy or accommodate someone with autism. Secondly, he asked what is it like on "planet autism"?
SO, I, Maddie T Dugan, am giving you my two cents on, from my own experience, not only being autistic but working with autistic kids, encouraging self-advocacy and accommodation. It's something everyone should be aware of, and something people are going to have to deal with more and more as this generation of kids grows up in our society. These are going to be broken up into different posts. ***
***Note: My advice is going to be based around dealing with older children, teenagers and adults with autism. Working with young kids (newly diagnosed) is an entirely different field of it's own and I am not here to try and tell parents and adults how to raise their autistic child or teach one (even if I did, it would take MANY more posts to cover it all). There are many books out there for that. Teenagers and adults have a more likely chance of being on the higher functioning side, so this particular blog post is more focused on them.
There are many different kinds of settings you can potentially run into a person with autsim...the work place, school, social events, walking the streets of a downtown city...we are everywhere. This post is not aimed at excusing bad behaviors, or at trying to change a person with autism. The spectrum is SO huge, so I am giving you a brief idea of the kinds of things you can do when encountering a person with autism (again, based off of my own personal experience...this probably does not apply to all of us on the spectrum). I am going to give you a couple different and common scenarios through these next few posts and walk you through the kinds of things you can do to help the situation.
So...here we go!
Let's start with a small and common situation for an autistic person...
CLASSROOM SETTING:
This is for teachers and for students. A common behavior for an autistic person is to talk out of turn, interrupt someone, or speak apathetically to a sensitive topic, not being totally aware of the social consequences of these behaviors. A general note...most people on the spectrum aren't concerned with your feelings. Just like with anyone in this world, you can't make someone care about something. They have to learn by observation of other people what is ok and what is not.
-If you are a teacher, you should have the same rules for all of your children in the classroom, and have the same consequences. If ANYONE talks out of turn, or interrupts someone, they should receive an appropriate warning or consequence. If you allow children in your classroom to get away with these behaviors, an autistic person may see it as an O.K behavior and do the behavior in a more abrupt and less appropriate way than someone not on the spectrum. Have the same rules for all of your kids, and the autistic child will learn by example and repetition. If the child is totally WAY out of control and causing a massive disruption to the classroom setting, maybe look at an alternative learning setting for them. A child who interrupts or occasionally has rude moments is not hopeless. The best thing you can do is have patience with them. There are things that don't click with us the same way it might with other children.Yelling at the child or simply telling them to stop is not helpful and will get you no where. Autistic people need SPECIFICITY. If you explain to a child why they should change a certain behavior, it will have more of a pay off than "Because I said so" (again, this is more for autistic people who are higher functioning). Remember that the more kindness and care you show an autistic child, the more it will pay off in the long run and the more they may embrace your kind behavior towards other people. Also, allowing students to take breaks is a huge plus. I've been there...sometimes I still am there! It allows us to have time to collect our thoughts and then come back into a situation appropriately. If you keep trying to push them to do something and you don't allow them time to analyze a situation, it can end badly (explosion, feeling overwhelmed, shut down, etc.) rather than just taking extra time with a spectrum student to help them go at their own pace. Education should be about helping ALL students, even if it isn't helping them all in the same way.
Still with me?
I just took a vodka break.
By the way..."Skinny Girl" Vodka is amazing. Go buy it.
Now I'm on a roll...
-If you are a student who is frustrated with an autistic peer...read on. This is important, and the more aware you are now of how you should react, the easier time you will have in your future encounters with autistic people.
You cannot change who we are. I know it can be difficult to understand us at times, but telling us to shut up or whatever doesn't help us understand how to relate to you. We want to learn. We are fascinated by the world around us. People are usually the last things on our mind. If an autistic person cuts you off in the middle of class or tells you that you are wrong, let the teacher handle it. If the teacher doesn't help right away, talk to the teacher privately at another time. The best thing you can do, as a peer, is to change your mindset. Most autistic people aren't intending to be rude when they "act out" in a classroom. You should look at it like we are just really excited to participate in a discussion, or that we are just wanting to learn more about what is going on. Try taking something that looks like a negative behavior, let the teacher handle the negative aspect of it, and try and find a way to support your peer. I know this is a very mature way of looking at things, and it isn't going to be easy all the time, but the bottom line is that it isn't your job as a student to put your input into how someone else is behaving. You just do your job, to learn, as best as you can. Again, if it is really a major issue, talk to your teacher away from actual class time. Think about if you were in a forgien country and everyone just shouted at you, hoping you would understand their language. Not so effective, huh? People on the spectrum are often suggestible...it's important to try and not be manipulative with them. Being straight forward and honest will help them AND you. Being confrontational isn't a good way to approach anyone...let alone someone who can easily feel attacked and might say or do something to make the situation worse. You can't control whether or not they explode, but you CAN find ways to approach them in a way that will make that less likely to happen. "Hey! Stop it! It was my turn to speak!" is not helpful. It isn't calm, and it isn't helping an autistic person realize why what they did was bad. A private conversation where you say "Hey, I noticed in class that you interrupted me while I was talking. I liked what you had to say, but I had some important points I wanted to make. Could you wait next time? I would really appreciate that.". This will help immensely.
To both parties: patience goes a long way. Seriously. I know it can be hard in the heat of a moment, but your success in this particular setting will benefit you more if you take a step back and put yourselves in the other person's shoes. Your impatient behavior will only show someone with autism that it is OK to talk to people in a short manner. We all learn from behaviors we see, especially from someone on the spectrum. Merely telling autistic to stop doesn't go a long way...be blunt with them. Explain clearly why something is not good to do, and why another behavior would have a better benefit for them (again, this is more for teachers, peers should try and mind their own business in a classroom setting). I have had my share of bad experiences with teachers and students at school...we, as autistic people, also need to learn where the line is crossed. We can't get there unless YOU draw it. Our impulsiveness and lack of awareness of other peoples feelings keep us from knowing where you are uncomfortable. However, autistic people are not supposed to change our behaviors to make YOU happy. We are in school for our own benefit, and our experience will be a smoother one if we can get along with the people around us. We are not responsible for how you feel, we are only responsible for ourselves. And WE will be happy if we get the most productive use of our time...which means learning how to be patient ourselves and listening to what other people have to say. It takes two to tango. We aren't trying to change who we are...we are just enhancing the best part of ourselves.
By the way...
If you EVER have questions for me...please ask!!
I don't bite. No question is stupid to me.
Except the chicken or the egg thing...that is a stupid question. Everything else is fair game.
I know this post is pretty general and probably only scratching the surface of things I could cover on this particular matter. I can't give you advice that will service all people, either (Again, this is all from my experiences and observation). Disney Land wasn't built in a day. I'm trying to give you, my readers, a start of changing how you look at the world...because guess what? Autistic people are part of it. We all have things to work on, and we can't be perfect. But if you start by putting one brick down, you are that much closer to building a house.
There I go with my metaphors again...
Silly Maddie. Time for bed. Oh, and vodka.
Good night :)
<3 Maddie
