Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Spectrum: The Classroom Setting


Hey...you.


Yes, YOU!


Ever find yourself wondering about how to relate to an Autistic person in the real world?


Wish you knew the right things to say...or not say?


Here is your chance to learn.


Right now.


Yes, NOW.


My husband raised up an interesting question for me to think about for my blog...he, being a neuro-typical person, wondered about what sort of advice do I have for neuro-typical people who want to either encourage that self-advocacy or accommodate someone with autism. Secondly, he asked what is it like on "planet autism"?

SO, I, Maddie T Dugan, am giving you my two cents on, from my own experience, not only being autistic but working with autistic kids, encouraging self-advocacy and accommodation. It's something everyone should be aware of, and something people are going to have to deal with more and more as this generation of kids grows up in our society. These are going to be broken up into different posts. ***

***Note: My advice is going to be based around dealing with older children, teenagers and adults with autism. Working with young kids (newly diagnosed) is an entirely different field of it's own and I am not here to try and tell parents and adults how to raise their autistic child or teach one (even if I did, it would take MANY more posts to cover it all). There are many books out there for that. Teenagers and adults have a more likely chance of being on the higher functioning side, so this particular blog post is more focused on them. 

There are many different kinds of settings you can potentially run into a person with autsim...the work place, school, social events, walking the streets of a downtown city...we are everywhere. This post is not aimed at excusing bad behaviors, or at trying to change a person with autism. The spectrum is SO huge, so I am giving you a brief idea of the kinds of things you can do when encountering a person with autism (again, based off of my own personal experience...this probably does not apply to all of us on the spectrum). I am going to give you a couple different and common scenarios through these next few posts and walk you through the kinds of things you can do to help the situation.

So...here we go!


Let's start with a small and common situation for an autistic person...

CLASSROOM SETTING:

This is for teachers and for students. A common behavior for an autistic person is to talk out of turn, interrupt  someone, or speak apathetically to a sensitive topic, not being totally aware of the social consequences of these behaviors. A general note...most people on the spectrum aren't concerned with your feelings. Just like with anyone in this world, you can't make someone care about something. They have to learn by observation of other people what is ok and what is not.
-If you are a teacher, you should have the same rules for all of your children in the classroom, and have the same consequences. If ANYONE talks out of turn, or interrupts someone, they should receive an appropriate warning or consequence. If you allow children in your classroom to get away with these behaviors, an autistic person may see it as an O.K behavior and do the behavior in a more abrupt and less appropriate way than someone not on the spectrum. Have the same rules for all of your kids, and the autistic child will learn by example and repetition. If the child is totally WAY out of control and causing a massive disruption to the classroom setting, maybe look at an alternative learning setting for them. A child who interrupts or occasionally has rude moments is not hopeless. The best thing you can do is have patience with them. There are things that don't click with us the same way it might with other children.Yelling at the child or simply telling them to stop is not helpful and will get you no where. Autistic people need SPECIFICITY. If you explain to a child why they should change a certain behavior, it will have more of a pay off than "Because I said so" (again, this is more for autistic people who are higher functioning). Remember that the more kindness and care you show an autistic child, the more it will pay off in the long run and the more they may embrace your kind behavior towards other people. Also, allowing students to take breaks is a huge plus. I've been there...sometimes I still am there! It allows us to have time to collect our thoughts and then come back into a situation appropriately. If you keep trying to push them to do something and you don't allow them time to analyze a situation, it can end badly  (explosion, feeling overwhelmed, shut down, etc.)  rather than just taking extra time with a spectrum student to help them go at their own pace. Education should be about helping ALL students, even if it isn't helping them all in the same way.

Still with me?

I just took a vodka break.

By the way..."Skinny Girl" Vodka is amazing. Go buy it.

Now I'm on a roll...


-If you are a student who is frustrated with an autistic peer...read on. This is important, and the more aware you are now of how you should react, the easier time you will have in your future encounters with autistic people.
You cannot change who we are. I know it can be difficult to understand us at times, but telling us to shut up or whatever doesn't help us understand how to relate to you. We want to learn. We are fascinated by the world around us. People are usually the last things on our mind. If an autistic person cuts you off in the middle of class or tells you that you are wrong, let the teacher handle it. If the teacher doesn't help right away, talk to the teacher privately at another time. The best thing you can do, as a peer, is to change your mindset. Most autistic people aren't intending to be rude when they "act out" in a classroom. You should look at it like we are just really excited to participate in a discussion, or that we are just wanting to learn more about what is going on. Try taking something that looks like a negative behavior, let the teacher handle the negative aspect of it, and try and find a way to support your peer. I know this is a very mature way of looking at things, and it isn't going to be easy all the time, but the bottom line is that it isn't your job as a student to put your input into how someone else is behaving. You just do your job, to learn, as best as you can. Again, if it is really a major issue, talk to your teacher away from actual class time. Think about if you were in a forgien country and everyone just shouted at you, hoping you would understand their language. Not so effective, huh? People on the spectrum are often suggestible...it's important to try and not be manipulative with them. Being straight forward and honest will help them AND you. Being confrontational isn't a good way to approach anyone...let alone someone who can easily feel attacked and might say or do something to make the situation worse. You can't control whether or not they explode, but you CAN find ways to approach them in a way that will make that less likely to happen. "Hey! Stop it! It was my turn to speak!" is not helpful. It isn't calm, and it isn't helping an autistic person realize why what they did was bad. A private conversation where you say "Hey, I noticed in class that you interrupted me while I was talking. I liked what you had to say, but I had some important points I wanted to make. Could you wait next time? I would really appreciate that.". This will help immensely. 

To both parties: patience goes a long way. Seriously. I know it can be hard in the heat of a moment, but your success in this particular setting will benefit you more if you take a step back and put yourselves in the other person's shoes. Your impatient behavior will only show someone with autism that it is OK to talk to people in a short manner. We all learn from behaviors we see, especially from someone on the spectrum. Merely telling autistic to stop doesn't go a long way...be blunt with them. Explain clearly why something is not good to do, and why another behavior would have a better benefit for them (again, this is more for teachers, peers should try and mind their own business in a classroom setting). I have had my share of bad experiences with teachers and students at school...we, as autistic people, also need to learn where the line is crossed. We can't get there unless YOU draw it. Our impulsiveness and lack of awareness of other peoples feelings keep us from knowing where you are uncomfortable. However, autistic people are not supposed to change our behaviors to make YOU happy. We are in school for our own benefit, and our experience will be a smoother one if we can get along with the people around us. We are not responsible for how you feel, we are only responsible for ourselves. And WE will be happy if we get the most productive use of our time...which means learning how to be patient ourselves and listening to what other people have to say. It takes two to tango. We aren't trying to change who we are...we are just enhancing the best part of ourselves.

By the way...

If you EVER have questions for me...please ask!!

I don't bite. No question is stupid to me.

Except the chicken or the egg thing...that is a stupid question. Everything else is fair game.

I know this post is pretty general and probably only scratching the surface of things I could cover on this particular matter. I can't give you advice that will service all people, either (Again, this is all from my experiences and observation). Disney Land wasn't built in a day. I'm trying to give you, my readers, a start of changing how you look at the world...because guess what? Autistic people are part of it. We all have things to work on, and we can't be perfect. But if you start by putting one brick down, you are that much closer to building a house.

There I go with my metaphors again...

Silly Maddie. Time for bed. Oh, and vodka. 

Good night :)

<3 Maddie 



Thursday, July 19, 2012

Aliens on Planet "Typical"

Good Morning!

I hope you are all having an amazing summer like I am! Even with a sprained ankle (from who knows what...), this has been quite the packed vacation for me.

I feel like I've come across a slight "writer's block" with my blog. I've already had parents emailing me telling me that my blog has really been eye opening for them in their journey with their autistic child...which was exactly my goal with all of this! The fear of disappointing people has been looming over me...

A little fact about myself:

I hate being wrong...

...or messing something up and being corrected about it...

...or feeling inadequate at something I want to feel confident in.

Oh, I also hate chalk boards. And broccoli. Just FYI.

I realize that these aren't uncommon dislikes. It's something, however, that gets amplified for a person with Autism. Our entire lives growing up are based around correcting behaviors, understanding social norms, cutting a piece of paper in a straight line, speech therapy, occupational therapy, seeing pictures of peoples faces OVER AND OVER again until you can explain the facial expression. Our whole mission is to wire our brain so that our awkwardly shaped puzzle piece can fit into society's. That is for any special needs kid. Because of this, I have spent my adult life getting easily frustrated when I mess something up because I've been in that place over and over again. So when it comes to messing up something I feel like I know I can do, yes, I will have a mental (and sometimes outward) shut down about it...but I've promised myself I will never let anything bring me down and give up. I'm pretty stubborn about things. Society needs to understand that even though people march to the beat of their own drum, it can still function with people learning and looking at the world differently.

Imagine that you were born on a different planet. You spent some time there, by yourself, and then someone came and found you and brought you back to earth. All earthlings are born with lack of understanding of what earth is, but the discovery process happens differently for a child with Autism. You see people try and make you act a certain way, eat certain things, see, watch, and hear different things...but they just don't click with you. You can't analyze how a person feels based on their face because that wasn't how you were wired to see the world. It's understandable why kids with autism retreat to being in their own little worlds...they aren't being reached out to in ways that click with them. It's like having someone make you analyze and report on an article written in Japanese and you haven't learned a word of Japanese in your life, nor understand anything about Japanese culture. Autistic people have to make themselves understand enough about the society we live in to get by without getting in trouble, but that doesn't mean it still clicks with us. We see the world and want to explore the mechanics of it all, we are less concerned about how it makes you feel in the process...which is ironic, because I've spent my teenage and adult life trying to figure out how people work but haven't necessarily been concerned with the minor details of the way things function (I think I'm the weirdo in the Autistic community...). 

Assuming that everyone understands conceptual things on the same level is just ignorant. It's no good trying to tell someone with Autism (a lot of people on the spectrum, that is) that they need to speak and look you in the eye at the same time. It is obviously a societal norm to look people in the eye and speak to them at the same time...to you, it shows respect and that you are engaged in a conversation. A lot of people with Autism have a hard time retaining information if we have to multi task with it. For instance, I can look at you and listen to what you have to say, but if I have to relay information to you, it is easier for me to look away and collect my thoughts because I can't be distracted by the look you are giving me while I am trying to speak. There are many things like this that neuro-typical people don't understand because they have not been explained to properly about it.

Well, here I am. An open book.

Autistics...we are taking over the world.

Better get used to it.

With the rate at which Autism is being found in young people, our society WILL be filled with people who don't go about living life, learning, and relating to people the same as "everyone else". I don't mean to say that Autistic people have any excuse for settling for bad behavior (I know too many people like that and it infuriates me), but what you may consider "bad" behavior might not actually be all that bad. If a kid is more interested in building models of helicopters than they are about making Valentine's Day cards, what is the big deal? We don't all have to be interested in the same kinds of things. My older brother is a business entrepreneur graduate from Baylor. He likes business and he has the right mentality for it. Just because I have been at a "community" college (Bellevue College ditched "Community" in it's name) and have been studying theater does not make me any less of a person. I found what I love and I am pursuing it. We don't all have to be big, successful people making lots of money and buying yachts (my brother does not own a yacht...yet). 

I know I need to work on taking criticism better, I don't get to be a bad sport about things just because I have Autism. But the point is, Autistic people get a lot of undeserved crap about things (esspecially in the education system, unfortunately). Our interests do not have to match up with the "dream life" parents imagine for their kids. We shouldn't have to go about doing homework and what not the same way as neuro-typical people. It's getting to the end point that should be the goal. Life's paths don't have to go in the same direction. Not everyone is meant to go to college. We don't all have to eat broccoli...I know, I really should though. 

We can all, as people living on this planet...
alien or not...
choose our own path.

Eat your vegetables. Do as I say, not as I do.

<3 Maddie



Thursday, July 5, 2012

Fireworks Vs. The Werewolves

Happy belated 4th of July, everyone! 

Thank God it's over...

Why, you ask?

Because the 4th of July is an Autistic's nightmare.

I've been asked recently what traits I have nowadays that make me autistic. It's funny how in recent years, during my every day life, I will forget that I am autistic. If I were to go into a Dr's office during the day time, I would probably not get an autism diagnosis anymore. I am *very* high functioning...I manage to keep decent eye contact, I can make myself focus on most things, I socialize probably more than I should...etc. In general, I have a pretty O.K time getting by in society...

Until I get tired.

Then all goes to hell. 

I can turn into an absolute wreck when I am tired. I lose impulse control, I have minor ticks, my pain tolerance is basically non existent, and I become overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. I normally have pretty heightened senses to things, but it just becomes more so when I am tired. I smell, hear, see, taste, and feel everything at extremes. I get extremely overwhelmed.

One can call me...a werewolf of the night...

...only not as hairy.

Oh, and I don't eat people.

YAY THERAPY!

.........................

So, the 4th of July...after being out all day doing 4th of July like things (picnicking, swimming, walking, laughing, eating, etc) that can make a person pretty tired by the end of the day...and then the fire works come. I've been around fireworks enough to adapt to the sounds and be alright...and being up close to the bright lights isn't bad if I take pictures and don't look directly at them. The combination of it all can really wear me out...but not right away. It's all fine...and then the walk back to the car, being surrounded by people EVERYWHERE; smelling their food, feeling like you can literally hear every conversation happening as it walks by...and then the pain in my legs from moving around all day wouldn't normally be so bad...none of this would be...but I was tired.

REALLY
REALLY
TIRED


I didn't have a big melt down at the park...although, that would have been kind of amusing watching an adult woman freak out...I waited till I got home, of course. Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time knows this about me at times like these. It can be hard to explain to people why I seem shut off from everything sometimes. The trick, I have learned, is that I need to advocate for myself when I am in a good state, so that they understand what is going on when it happens. It's like when I had to explain to my husband when we were dating that stuff like this would happen...and now we are married, and, unfortunately, he sees the worst of it. The screaming, the heightened pain, the needing to punch things or kick (I don't at him, I usually find other things), the in-coherency... 

Fun times, right?

I've had to learn how to keep doing things I love in a way that keeps me sane. I usually didn't go out at night during high school for this exact reason...I just couldn't handle it. Medication (not in recent years, I've been off any kind of medication for 4 ish years) has helped me get to a place that these symptoms wouldn't affect me on a daily basis. I can usually keep my cool in front of most people, then I get home and "let loose". I know I can't be easy to live with at times, but I am thankful that my husband gets to see the day time me more than the night time! 

I watch so many people have issues like mine, or worse, and don't clue people in on it. I've known people where they wouldn't tell me they had some sort of special need, and then something would happen, and they would freak out about it. Most of the time, I suspect something before hand (having been around enough special needs people) and most of the time wait for them to tell me what is going on. I understand being embarrassed by a certain condition, or you haven't come to terms with it. It isn't easy to let people know about your weaknesses. Vulnerability can be pretty nerve-racking. I learned in high school that I needed to get over it. Who cares if I am autistic? No one, EVER, has made fun of me for it when I've told them. I've had people be in disbelief, but no one has ever laughed at me for being this way...

...to my face...then again, I don't really know what kinds of things they would say behind my back..."OOOOH, MADDIE HAS A HARD TIME FOCUSING, CAN'T DO MATH WELL AND SMELLS STUFF!! AH HA HA HA!!!"

Yeah...I'm really torn up at the thought of it.

All I'm saying is that if you have any kind of disability, or some thing is harder for you than it is for other people, there isn't a reason why you shouldn't talk about it. I have found, more than I expected, that a lot of people have similar issues to me that AREN'T even on the spectrum (that they are aware of)! Or they tell me that they are, and that is also comforting. If you don't let people know about the things you need, or if you don't explain why you have a certain behavior, no one will ever know, and then something will happen and people will just be confused by it. The worst thing that happens when you tell people something is that they think you are full of shit...but who cares?! Let them go, they can be stuck in their own ignorance and you don't want people around like that anyway. I have had to explain, mostly to teachers, about my classroom needs. I CANNOT sit in the back of any classroom. I will learn nothing and doodle on my hand in sharpie until the cows come home. I need extended time on certain kinds of tests because I get test anxiety and it's hard to calm down and focus on the test.
I have to explain to people sometimes why I can't look and speak to them at the same time. The list goes on...in college, I have had to be very verbal about this to my proffs. In high school, they (the special ed department) held your hand along and helped you write letters to your teachers and actually talked to them. They were supportive in helping us support ourselves. Because of what we were taught in High School, I had the right tools for self advocacy. It's so different being totally on your own instead of having someone tell you that you need to start being on your own. And it's like that in the real world, too...you need to be self sufficient to get by in society.


The more open you are about yourself to the world, the easier it will be for them to accept you (and others like you.) Whether you believe it or not, there are understanding people out there who will listen if you tell them something. Expecting awareness and understanding won't help change anything. If we don't talk to people about our issues, we will never help people realize that not everyone is the same. It doesn't even have to be a disability...it can be anything, really. You can tell the world about your Magic addiction...it's ok, there are people who understand (I'm talking to you, Michael Lacker.)

 Admitting to people who you are will help you come to terms with it...trust me.


Society doesn't need perfection from you...it needs honesty.

...and on that note, good night, people.

<3 Maddie :)