It's Not Over Till The Fat Lady Blogs

Good evening, morning, afternoon...whenever you are reading this! It's night right now for me, and I have the sudden urge to write :)

I just got done ranting on Facebook about women's self image. I went on this tangent because of a picture of a girl (who shall remain nameless...I'm not even FB friends with this person, the picture came up in my feed because of one of my friends "liking" the picture) who was in the bathroom, tugging at the side of one of her hips. The photo caption was "Finally! My 5 pound weight loss...goodbye flabby grossness! Can't believe I was ever 5 pounds heavier! How disgusting! Glad to be a more beautiful me!"

...Really?

5 pounds?

Wow.

I think my food baby just shed a tear.

I was literally speechless. Is this what has become of our culture? I'm pretty sure the girl in the picture was no older than 14. It made me want to cry. I could not believe that this girl not only felt so terrible about herself being 5 pounds heavier, but that people were LIKING the post like it deserved this big vitrual support.

That wasn't support. It was destructive to this young girl's self image.

Anyone who has met me in person knows that I am not small...by any stretch of the imagination. I never have been...thinness has never been an attribute that I have possessed, and to be quite frank, I'm pretty sure it will never be. Everyone is built differently...that is ok. It's pretty disturbing to me, however, that girls from my own generation and in the generation after me are beating themselves up over 5 stupid pounds. I LAUGH at 5 pounds...probably because I have MUCH more than that I need to lose to be in a healthy place...not a more ATTRACTIVE place, but a healthy one. I can admit that openly without feeling bad about myself. Personally, without trying to sound cocky, I don't think I am an unattractive person. I see (and obviously the man who married me sees) qualities in me and make me an attractive person that aren't necessarily what the media wants us all to think is acceptable. I think one of the biggest things that makes me attractive is my unique ability to find beauty in the most unrecognizable places. I am constantly surrounded by average to smaller sized girls (and some guys, too) in my life who obsess over the fact they might be wearing an outfit that makes them look fat, or that they are having an "ugly" day because they are bloated.

Apparently, according to society standards, I have an ugly day every day because I am not thin.

Hmm...why do I refuse to believe that?

Oh yeah...because it's complete CRAP.

It's not like I have always known that. Believe me, I have spent way too many years caring about how I looked and tried ridiculous dieting tricks to help me feel like a better person. Not a healthy one, a better one. I thought that I would feel better about myself as a person if I got my weight under control...when in reality, it was never about myself. It was about not being judged by everyone around me. I'm pretty sure I didn't get to the point I am about all of this until VERY recently. I can't say that I am completely cured of societal pressure, or that I don't want to diet, because I do. But I have a different motivation for wanting to lose weight that isn't making everyone else happy. It's all about me. I will admit, when I am trying to lose weight, it's kind of nice to hear people tell you that you look great, nice job, keep it up, etc...but at the same time, was something wrong with how I looked before? Me weight loss should have nothing to do with looking a certain way. The goal is to better my body so I can do things in life without being restrained by my weight, not to reach some level of attractiveness. It's pretty crappy to feel like the people around me feel unhappy with how they are...so what must they think of me? Then I remind myself that people aren't all that concerned with how I am...they are too wrapped up in themselves to think about anyone else. And if they are judging me for the way I look, it's only to make themselves feel better about what they don't like on their own bodies.

I wish people could wake up. There are SO many beautiful people out there beating themselves up about how they look, because they don't look like fashion models or fit, buff guys. Every time I hear people complain about their looks, I want to literally slap them in the face (I don't, though, because of this little thing I learned early on called "self control"). They haven't had to go through what I have been through. What a LOT of people have been through. 

I know this may be hard to read...

...and it may blow your mind a little bit...

...but there are worse problems in the world...

...than your muffin top...

...or your love handles...

...or even your non-existent double chin that you think you have when you lean your head back trying to look like Peter Griffin on Family Guy...

Growing up and getting made fun of for my size was a bittersweet experience for me. Obviously, I hated being called fat, and giant, and ugly, and whatever else people could think of in clever (and non clever) ways. But at the same time, it took away the fact that people could have found out I had Autism. I was almost willing to hear about my appearance because it was better than being called stupid, which is how I felt a lot of the time. Kids are cruel at a young age, and they can't understand how their words affect people...but adults? What is their excuse? You don't know what kinds of hardships people have been through...you don't know what experiences have gotten people to the place they are in. Why do people care SO much about how others look? Again...they are insecure with themselves and need an outlet for their lack of self confidence. So they pick on people, not knowing they they have probably been through a lot worse of things than being "out of the norm" physically.

I can't change how other people act. It would be nice if I could condition skinny people to stop complaining by slapping them every time they say they are fat...but the world does not work this way. I think the most beautiful people out there are the ones that work what they've got. Maybe it doesn't fit into some mold that the media thinks they should be in, but happiness is the most beautiful quality a person can have. 

Autism has opened my world to appreciate all kinds of beauty...

I was ridiculed so often for how I looked that I really only saw ugliness in those people who mocked me, physically harmed me, and laughed maniacally at me. Their attitudes towards me made them ugly, in my eyes. It was the people who reached out to me and showed me kindness that I saw beauty in. Also, the autistic people I have met in my life, all across the spectrum, have been some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Why? Because I see so many of them appreciate the little things...they seek joy in things that others would not waste their time on. The art work I have seen from autistic kids is some of the most creative and amazing I have ever seen...it's because we see the world differently. Our senses and awareness of things around us make us more in tune with what is going on all the time. We are too busy looking at how things work and why they are the way they are to notice people. We live in our own little worlds...and from those have come beauty in a non-traditional way. They become beautiful people by turning trash into treasure. The way their smiles burst when they have made a new discovery and need to share it with you...some see it is annoying. I think it's wonderful. It's these people who have and are going to make differences in the world for the better...not the people who can't get past their "flaws". Obsessing over how you look is destructive...it not only hurts the people around you and future generations, but it is sabotaging behavior. You are never going to be happy trying to strive for something that only puts you in some societal acceptance circle...you will never be a better person by being skinny...you'll still be just as insecure and unhappy because you never accepted yourself for what you were before.

To the girl who excited over her 5 pound weight loss:

Congratulations. 

I hope your accomplishment helps you make wonderful contributions to the world around you

and that you find yourself to be a better, more complete person now that you are physically more beautiful, 5 whole pounds later.

Sincerely,

The people in the world who have better things to. The people impacting the world for the better.